On My One Hundredth Post

It’s my one hundredth post! It’s time to celebrate. I will crack open the champagne. Hey, thanks to you guys, my readers, for sticking with me until this one hundred mark. Don’t worry, there’s plenty to come. And things are going to start to get bigger and better too.

In honor of my one hundredth post, I’m going to give you 100 reasons why you should read my blog:

  1. I’m cute!

    So cute.

    So cute.

  2. My name’s Oshitbritt and that’s raunchy, because there’s a swear word in it.
  3. I review your favorite shows and movies.
  4. I believe in equality.
  5. I post every weekday, without missing a single day.
  6. I’m goofy

    I got the goof.

    I got the goof.

  7. I tweet hilarious things.
  8. I desperately want people to follow my blog to boost my own ego.
  9. I utilize self-deprecating humor.
  10. My YouTube channel is hilarious.
  11. I can count to 100. Well, I guess we’ll see if I can.
  12. I give great advice.
  13. I came up with a great segment, named “Two Way Hump Day,” where I propose questions or answer your questions, every Wednesday.
  14. You can follow me by email.
  15. I’m writing a few books that you’re going to want to read once published.
  16. All my friends like me. I think.
  17. Dogs like me too and they’re great judges of character.

    They don't like me, they love me!

    They don’t like me, they love me!

  18. My grandmother reads my blog everyday.
  19. I know how to shamelessly plug like no other.
  20. Sometimes I cut all my hair off on an impulsive whim.
  21. I enjoy the simpler things in life (or talk about them like they’re really important).
  22. I’ll warn you about the grave dangers of the world.
  23. I spend all my time on this blog so you know it’s good.
  24. I have a pet parrot named Poppy Chulo.
  25. Poppy Chulo can say “hello” and “what” and you can often hear him in the background of my YouTube videos.
  26. You’ll never find better articles than ones authored by someone who dropped out of college.
  27. I have fairly decent grammar considering my situation.
  28. I have no social life and I need people to like my blog for validation.
  29. My pure desperation: probably the sole reason you’re about to hit that follow button.
  30. You’re hovering over it anyway, so you should probably just click it.
  31. I’m going to give you seventy more reasons even though you’re already following me.
  32. I stick to what I’ve started.
  33. I do ridiculous things, like this list.
  34. I have a birth mark under my left eye that’s shaped like a tear drop.

    I'm not crying, I swear.

    I’m not crying, I swear.

  35. I’m a vegetarian.
  36. How else are you going to spend your time other than reading my blog?
  37. I’m an up and coming, young artist who you’re going to want to see succeed.
  38. My middle name is Shnoo.
  39. The last one was a lie and I cannot tell a lie. So, you can trust me.
  40. I have really sound logic.
  41. I have little to no shame.

    No shame.

    No shame.

  42. I’ll cry if you don’t follow my blog.
  43. You believe the children are our future.
  44. My blog is great reading material for while you’re on the shitter.
  45. I owe you one high five if you follow my blog.
  46. Stopping at forty-six isn’t good enough for Oshitbritt.
  47. Only a person with a brag-worthy size of an ego could write one hundred things about herself.
  48. I’m a strong, independent lady.
  49. I’ll follow you back, you selfish bastard.
  50. I started singing Bon Jovi because we’re half way there.
  51. I have amazing tips for you like: drink a full glass of water before bed each night.
  52. I have voluptuous Greek hair.
  53. I love Taco Bell as much as the next guy.
  54. If we become great friends I just might take you to Taco Bell.
  55. My real name, Britt, rhymes with shit. And I bet everything’s starting to make sense.
  56. I live a sad life of typing away at a computer for eight hours a day and I’m just looking for some human connection.
  57. Someday I’m going to write an Oscar winning film and you’re going to want to say you followed her blog before she was cool.
  58. I appeal to the hipster crowd because I’m an indie writer.
  59. I use the term “indie writer” to make self-publishing sound more glamorous.
  60. My bleak existence will make you feel better about your own.
  61. I give to the less fortunate.
  62. Sometimes I use the name, Penelope, instead of my real name, Oshitbritt, in social situations with which I’m uncomfortable.
  63. It’s evident, from the amount of times I’ve referenced my various aliases in this post, I have identity issues.
  64. I give the ladies tips on how to be sexy.
  65. I’ll never stop doing “Two Way Hump Days” even though no one ever gives responses.
  66. I got bangs so I could pluck my eyebrows less.
  67. I have really thick eyebrows, the other side of having voluptuous, Greek hair.
  68. I own a coon skin hat.

    Shakin' some dust outa my coon skin cap.

    Shakin’ some dust outa my coon skin cap.

  69. Hehe. 69.
  70. I’ve been so candid in this post.
  71. I have nothing else to contribute to the world except this blog.
  72. I have eyes that will peer into your soul.
    I'm not crying, I swear.
  73. I answer the important questions.
  74. I’m a feminist, so if you’re one too we can get along, and if you’re not one we can fight a lot.
  75. I asked nicely.
  76. I have great taste in music.
  77. Someday you’ll regret it if you don’t follow my blog.
  78. I write for a hilarious satire blog.
  79. Ain’t nothing going to stop me from getting you to follow me.
  80. The reason about my grammar still stands.
  81. I’d never think about using the same reason twice and cheating my readers.
  82. I once had someone tell me I’m “pretty good” at writing and so my head got majorly inflated. So much so, that I’ve decided to dedicate my whole livelihood to writing.
  83. I use a really classy, free WordPress theme for my web layout.
  84. I’ve never read any of the Harry Potter books and I’m sticking to my choice.
  85. I stand by my convictions, like not reading Harry Potter.
  86. I’m the kind of gal with whom you could sing a karaoke duet from “Grease.”
  87. I haven’t done eighty-seven posts; I’ve done one hundred.
  88. I’ll do whatever you say. Please, just follow my blog.
  89. Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.
  90. I speak German. Guten tag.
  91. My lips get really chapped in the winter and I need to somehow make money to buy Burt’s Bees.
  92. Burt’s Bees will only sponsor me if I get a lot more followers.
  93. I can’t stop and I won’t stop giving you reasons.
  94. Not even when it’s evident I’m grasping at straws.
  95. I wasn’t one of those feminists who attacked Miley.
  96. Well, only maybe a little.
  97. Because I said so.
  98. Pretty please with a cherry on top?
  99. I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one, because I don’t use that word.
  100. I made it to one hundred without crying. Give me some credit.
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3 thoughts on “On My One Hundredth Post

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