I will not have a child until I am ready to take responsibility for it. I know that this sounds like it should be quite obvious, but I don’t just mean responsibility in the sense of feeding it and taking care of it. I mean that, when I have a child, I want to be in a place in my life where, years down the line, when this child is an adult, I will be able to own up to making it into the being that it is, even if it is one fucked up individual. When a child is born, all it has is its parents to guide it and introduce it to the world. Parenting is such a vital role, and people devalue that.
I am not going to have a child if I feel like I still have life to live on my own or mistakes to be made. Sure, parents don’t stop being human; they have experiences and make mistakes. But, in my mind, there are two kinds of living: living for the Self and living for others. I will have my life of self-discovery. I’ll travel the world, get myself into situations I probably shouldn’t just for the sake of learning, and I’ll battle pirates and hopefully come out alive. After years of searching for myself, I will discover that life is not about finding the Self; in fact, it is about sacrificing the Self. When I have that epiphany is when I will be ready for parenthood.
At that point in my life, I will be able to put my all into raising a child. I’ll be content with being known as “Mom” and not as Brittany any longer. Losing my identity wont be a tragedy, because I will have learned that holding onto the Self is not a vital part of living and that connecting to other people, primarily the family I will create, is much more important. When the child I have is an adult and emulates quirks, or even shortcomings, of mine, I wont blame it on the child and say it was her own mistake. I will own up to the fact that she is a part of me, I created her, and she is both human and beautiful. Then I will watch her go on the same life journey I did. All of this is very, very far off. Now, I’m off to battle some pirates.
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/peasap/1409590802/”>peasap</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>cc</a>