I went to see a show titled, “Bad Bride,” at the Upright Citizen Brigade Theater on September 4. It’s a solo show by Giulia Rozzi where she discusses her personal journey as she coped with becoming an independent woman while she married the wrong man. It’s a remarkably sincere show. It wasn’t it’s comedy that drew me in, though there were many funny parts, instead, it was it’s honesty. I could feel her pain as she spoke about the events that had happened in her life, many of which I could relate to.
She talked about escaping into a relationship because she wasn’t comfortable with being herself yet, but when her true colors started to blaringly show themselves, despite them conflicting with her engagement, trouble ensued. One of the parts that I related to the most was when she said she found herself pushing her boyfriend (who soon was to be her husband) away because she wanted him to either “fight for her or end it and neither happened.” Watching that, I knew exactly what she meant. In my own relationship, I often find myself doing the same thing. It’s an egocentric thing to do, because it puts me in the mindset that if he’s not actively fighting to be with me then he’s not worth my time. It blurs the lines between love and dependency. Ultimately, it’s more valuable to be in a stable and loving relationship, which I have realized and I catch myself when I slip into that egocentric mindset.
This show got me wondering how much I use my own relationship for solace. Being stuck between living in Manhattan and moving back to Rochester, I began thinking about my reasoning for moving back. My boyfriend lives in Rochester and I don’t want to put our relationship through the strain of long distance for much longer, but I don’t want it to be all for my boyfriend, because I don’t want to end up resenting him in the future if it wasn’t really what I wanted to do. I felt very melancholy after the show as I reflected on this. Perhaps because I saw a lot of myself in her, and perhaps because there was a lot I didn’t see but wondered if it was still there.
Her self-analysis that allowed her to create that show that moved me so much took her years to accumulate. Analyzing my behavior from this context, when I’m in the middle of what I’m analyzing, would always be futile. The best I can do is try to do what makes me happy, and reflect on it later. I feel pulled to Rochester for several reasons, my boyfriend being a big one, but not moving out of fear of resentment would also be a mistake because there are other reasons that I can’t ignore. Making mistakes is a part of life and if in ten years I’m on stage performing a one-woman show, then at least I’m inspiring others. I’m moving back to Rochester, and I’m feeling pretty excited about it.