On Caffeine

Caffeine makes me regret my life choices. It gets the best of me. I know caffeine is supposed to be this fairly harmless drug that people can consume on a day-to-day basis, but if I drink coffee in the morning, the rest of my day is ruined. I get the shakes, which really feel like seizures, and I say anything that comes to mind in a very awkward and incoherent manner. I have this habit of sending caffeine-induced texts. They’re like drunk texts, but when you drink too much coffee. I get so many thoughts at one time and I just have to tell someone. The one upside is I’m hilarious when I’m on a caffeine high, though I don’t know if that’s me or the caffeine talking. Basically, after drinking caffeine, I feel like there are thoughts running a marathon through my mind and then having an orgy at the finish line.

The problem is, I really like coffee, and I almost always forget to order it decaf or I theatrically tell myself that this time will be different than the other times. But when I get that surge of tingling sensations through my body, I know the rest of my day will be fucked up.

I wholeheartedly believe that caffeine is more detrimental than marijuana. It is only viewed as okay because it energizes people and makes them more productive. Marijuana makes people content and contentment is capitalisms worst enemy. It may cause laziness and an unproductive day, but it allows you to be happier in your surroundings. Sometimes it can cause anxiety and discomfort, but with caffeine these things are guaranteed. Why is it normal for us to willingly drug ourselves with something that will make us discontent? Sure, it makes us more awake and makes us want to get up and do things, but this is a direct result of being agitated. On top of this, caffeine is highly addictive, making us slaves to capitalism and conglomerate coffee shops (I’m looking at you, Starbucks).

Then, of course, at the end of the day after having a coffee in the morning I feel like a bus ran over my brain and killed all those thoughts that were having such a fun time at the orgy earlier.  That is how I feel right now. I must go to bed to rid myself of this awful feeling and try not to repeat this mistake tomorrow morning as I pass a Starbucks on every street corner.

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5 thoughts on “On Caffeine

  1. Pingback: Why My Post Is Late Today | Oshitbritt on Things

  2. Pingback: On My One Hundredth Post | Oshitbritt on Things

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